The One Who Loves You Most

03/27/2022

Note: I wrote the following a few years ago during a time when I was still operating in my self-will and selfish desires. I was pursuing Christ but I was yet to be fully acquainted with His level of purity, and thereby, that expectation of Him from me. I share here, with vulnerability, two important lessons I learned from the Holy Spirit. I have tweaked some parts to add more context for the reader as to what I was experiencing then and the knowledge I have since come away with. This was initially titled "Unrequited Love."

I cast a retrospective net afar

Into a sea of mixed emotions, and unsettling feelings.

Fond memories emerged first, followed by embarrassment.

I had envisioned a future together without certainty of the present.

The gift was returned with a crushing stillness.

My pride? Rightly wounded.

The pain? Persistent.

“Lord, my heart hurts!” I call, “Can you even relate?!”

The Lord replies:

Yes, I can. Yes, I do.

Lay your ear to my heart and hear my grief.

I yearn for a world that wants nothing to do with me.

I loved to the point of death–

The same ones who profane my name and deny my existence.

To the same who continue in what I hate.

I laid my very life down that theirs,

Might be transformed and preserved.

My love is perfect love.

My nature and character are always questioned.

When my only desire and intent is for their eternal good.

I say to my people,

I created you to find your utmost joy, fulfillment, and purpose in me.

So, come to me and let me show you the way of real life!

I say, come to me--repent for nothing greater exists apart from me.

It is a literal hell, apart from me!

I give you this present because of what I know about the future.

They say instead, “the fleeting pleasures of sin are better!”

And for those who don't say, their actions show the same.

The people I love do not love me.

Yet, I've loved with an everlasting love.

Trust me to help you because I know the whole timeline.

They instead trust in their agency which will fail them

You do not know the length of your life, I remind.

So come to me for life and life abundantly.

My people say, “we want none of it!”

I am implicated when all goes left and never the God who is right.

The people I love do not love me

Yet, I've loved with perfect love.

They study my creation--and rightly so!

My heart leaps for joy as I think, surely, they will soon know!

But I’m entirely ruled out of the equation.

My beloved creation has forgotten that

I am the One behind the very workings they pursue.

They do not understand that they are dependent on me

Even as they do not acknowledge me.

I've loved with an everlasting love.

My back took the beatings for you and I died for you.

Yet you mock me and dine

With the very adversary, I died to protect you from.

Your heart is cold!

Your heart is stone!

My love is perfect love.

Daughter, still, the value of love does not rest in its reciprocity.

Love is not merely feeling or attraction.

It does NOT rejoice with iniquity but rejoices with the truth.

Love is a conscious decision.

It is a transformed life by my Spirit.

It is to seek me and my will.

It is to seek another’s best interest above your own.

In purity of heart, mind, body, and spirit. Always!

It is not just in romance but applies in every circumstance.

You cannot force anyone into loving you

But you must choose to love everyone in the way I’ve taught you to--

In the essence and fullness of my love!

My love is Holy and undefiled.

My love is not tolerant of sin, no matter how "small."

My love is perfect love.

My love is who I am.

The sword of God's truth pierces my heart, I reflect:

Your love is SO pure!

Of a quality and kind, I have never encountered.

Lord, I am ashamed! I repent of the idolatry and the lust in my heart.

I am ashamed because obsession and illicit desire ruled me!

Forgive me...

The discerner of my thoughts continues...

I created you with the ability to feel and the desire for companionship.

Your shame comes from your error.

Your error was in perverting the pure desires I gave you.

In your thoughts and by your actions, you did not exercise self-control.

Your heartbreak, nonetheless, is not less painful.

I know its intensity.

Learn from me what goodness truly is,

Accompanied with purity and Holiness.

Come my child, I will teach you, real love!

I love you with an everlasting love!

^"We love Him, because He first loved us" - 1 John 4:19