For when you’ve been hurt

10/01/2020

When my life ends, I want to be known not for the lives I impacted, not for what I did or didn’t do, and neither for the hurts I caused before my crucifixion nor the joys I caused following my resurrection. I want to be known and measured according to if I did all that God gave me to do. The reality is that life is hard. It really is, and most especially acute during moments of hurt. As I write this, my head is pounding with pain, my heart hurts with sorrow, I’m incredibly physically nauseated, my eyes sore and sensitive to light from gushing out so many tears. I suppose when this passes, that I’ll smile again. I expect that. But what is most tempting in this situation? Should I wallow in pain and sorrow? Tempting indeed but it does little for me. I know I’m an overcomer in Christ Jesus. Do I feel that right now though? NOPE! Do I believe it? 100 percent! Not necessarily as a protective mechanism but as a matter undisputable. Like it is of unchanging truth that I know my first name, and that it is Tiffany. So, I know Christ is my Comforter and Redeemer not because I hope and have faith it is so or that it should become so but rather because it is a certainty I know and live.

In this process of writing, and pondering, I am further understanding some of the deeper implications and wisdom underscoring the words in Scripture, particularly those of Christ. “Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do…” How could these words have been uttered about men in their consciousness who were acting wickedly and exercising their free will in hurting an innocent man?

“But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the world unto our glory. For if they had understood it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory;” They knew of but did not know about. This is why we pray for our enemies; those who persecute us and despitefully use us. They do know what they do and take part in yet they don't know or understand who they are truly dealing with and are not familiar with how they truly ought to be by Christ's measure. Do I excuse their impact then? No! However, it is of an assertion that they, rather are the victim and the oppressed, not I. Through Christ, I retain my power in choosing not to inflict harm in return because I know better, and I know what I do. This further convinces me that it is only because of Christ that I do good and choose to. My choice is never removed from me and my capability of doing good is never diminished. But, I’m motivated to choose well on account of Him alone. This is why Christ in me, the hope of glory. If not for Him, my decisions would seldom be self-sacrificial. Christ is the only reason why I decide and choose to do what is right. You've probably heard things like, "if it wasn't for the Christ in me, I would have shown you my real colors!"/ etc. I admit this in my life but not with the macho/menacing/retaliating sentiment. Rather because it is now evident to me that Christ does mean the utmost in my life. It is truly because of Him that I keep myself and possess my soul, not seeking to afflict another "...Nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Idealism apparently shrouds my perspective and thought but trust me I haven't lost touch with reality. In fact, what is ideal is far more realistic and actually only attainable if we are being real. Despite my emotions, the brutal trials and temptations, the ideal response is to keep to the words of Jesus - to cling to what is good and depart from evil. Reality is messy and that is what makes the ideal even more real; that I should be perfected by these messy dealings and trials that are commonplace and every day (though they shouldn't be normalized). But disregard my opinion. “Be perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect…” and "Be Holy for I am Holy" are simply the beginning with Him. "That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: "

So, how am I feeling at the end of this piece? Better, but still solemn. The powerful emotions I held at the beginning have dissipated, and like sunlight bursting through dark clouds, positivity has emerged as expected. I’d like to tell you to keep up hope and be positive and all the motivational stuff that you are aware of. But it’s really dying to self and life in Christ that makes it possible to get going through the difficult problems. So how do I resolve mine? Always with God. Not as a demonstration of my piety but as a necessity. I cannot do anything without God!! I forgive the one who just hurt me and pray for them. It is not as passive and non-resistant as you think. It’s a labor of love, tears, and humility. The coals of fire I want poured over the head of "my enemies", are those that will refine them in the fire of the Lord and purge all the dross away for their own good. I desire brethren as a result as much as the Father desires children.

“Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do…” and if they think they know, they know not as they ought to.

I love you, brother, not because I feel like it now particularly but because I am supposed to. Though you fail to take the perceived burden of humility, I bear it and take the way of escape and freedom it truly brings because I do in fact know better. You hurt me and I was hurt. More so hurt by the fact that you hurt yourself and God, and by the fact that I was capable of hurting you in retaliation. But hurt has no profit--it never has nor will it ever. I truly forgive you and I chose to heal by the way of the Lord. By His love. "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

I chose to heal for me, for you but mostly because of Him:

"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like, unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

Realistically, it is not easy but it is possible, and that possibility, with God, is the only ideal and permissible response. "With God all things are possible."